The most difficult part is to identify the root cause. "For example, if I leave my clothes where I drop them I know my wife will get upset," says Anil,* "Sometimes she overreacts and then I overreact. And then there is that silence that hurts. There have been times when we both realise that the root cause was not the 'clothes' but something else."
The cause can vary for different people. According to Dr Khurana, "The root cause usually is a lack of commitment. People ignore the family component of life. They focus primarily on occupation and career aspirations ignoring the family, personal, and social component of life completely. This impacts their marital relationships."
Anil's wife may have been upset because he stayed back in the office the night before and came home late. She had cooked his favourite meal and he did not touch it.
Milind Kapadia, business development professional from Mumbai, says, "Keeping up with a daily routine in the city, striving for professional growth, and keeping your head where it's supposed to be does pose a challenge from time to time for your personal life. On the other hand if you keep your marriage in good shape it will only make the most difficult times easier."
Some are candid enough to admit that after a really bad and long day at work, when you return home you don't need to be faced with "domesticity". "You need to come home to something comforting... something that will dissolve your stress," says Amrita Kumar, a project manager with a software company, "You don't want to bother with cooking and cleaning and doing the dishes. But that is where most clashes often begin." Amrita has been married for a year and a half.
Dr Khurana agrees, "Present metropolitan life is fast paced. Superficially, couples name this problem as lack of compatibility, lack of understanding, lack of togetherness. They are mostly unaware of the meaning, benefits, demands, expectations, and realities of a marriage. Eventually this unawareness misleads them, and then they say "I just can't stay in this relationship anymore."
Photograph: DIBYANGSHU SARKAR/AFP/Getty Images
Also see: Ten culinary delights for a spicy sex life!
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