Back

|

Next

'He said his decision was final and that our relationship had started stifling him'
September 11, 2008

"We spent a lovely weekend together," she remembers. "But on Sunday night, he started behaving strangely. When I pressed him for answers, Arif told me that he had accepted a job in Toronto, Canada. I was devastated. I offered to look for employment there or to try a long-distance relationship, but he refused. Despite my sobs, he said his decision was final and that our relationship had started stifling him."

That's when Poonam fell apart. She became so depressed that even travelling to her office took a monumental effort. She couldn't stand to face her friends, ashamed for having ignored them for so long. And, most painfully, she felt she had let down her family. Though she hasn't spoken to Arif in three weeks, she still thinks about him every day. She claims she doesn't want to date again. And though she knows it's irrational, she still hopes that if she waits for Arif, he'll one day return to her.

"Despite having a long relationship together, this boy has chosen his career," Dr Bhonsle points out. "Going to Toronto was more important that his girlfriend, his actions make that clear. She should realise his top priority and not wait around for someone who is willing to give such importance to things other than their relationship. Trying to make him feel guilty or trying to rope him in will never work out. He'll always look for ways to leave the relationship and will not be an involved partner."

"In the future," Dr Bhonsle says, "She can draw from this experience, because it will teach her a lot. But now, emotionally, she will have to go through the grieving process, and that cannot be hastened. It's important to have someone to guide you through this process, preferably a professional, as it's easy to take the wrong decisions. Until she grieves properly, she will have difficulty moving on."

Photograph: Omar Torres/AFP/Getty Images

Also see: Poll: India's hottest single women!

Back

|

Next