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'I caught my husband watching porn'

July 18, 2008
Have you discovered a secret about your spouse that is bothering you?

Are you with someone you don't really love only to escape loneliness?

In a chat with Get Ahead readers on July 17, the Love Guru addressed many such problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the unedited transcript.

Love Guru says, A big hello to all you wonderful folks out there! Welcome to the Love Guru chat -- it's time to tackle your love-life crises!

aaryan asked, hi,girl lives opp 2 my apartment,she sees me indirectly but when i waved my hand at her saying hi she dint respond,after saying hi so many times she gives expresionless(blank)face,i stopped looking at her for few days,but she still stares at me.Say wat to do,is she interested in me or have i been rejected?

Love Guru answers, She may be curious about you but also cautious since you're a stranger. Maybe since you don't know her she assumes you're waving at someone else? Instead, the next time you bump into her on the street or in the building, say hi. If she still ignores you, don't pursue it.

Sweety asked, Hi LG, I have a friend i have never met. we have either spoken over the phone or has chatted over net, i have seen him thrugh pics, we have been in contacts since 5 years, initially we use to talk about normal things, i had a bad past, so we used to talk on that also, but since last 3-4 months we share a lot of words on sexual topics and i have been sharing my secret fantasies with him, when i look back i feel shocked that how can i discuss something like that with a guy, but the way he talsk to me i feel so comfortable disclosing all my desires and physical secrets to him, sometimes he also feels the same kind of confusion that all this we are doing is righ or wrong, but when we talk we cant help it over the phone, please help LG are we going in a wrong direction

Love Guru answers, Yes you are. It's not safe to get so intimate with someone you've never met. If you're so comfortable with each other, why don't you meet up in person? Start meeting regularly and if you are attracted to each other, only then pursue things in such a manner.

tanmay asked, Hello love guru, I am a man in mid 50's. I have now meet a woman who is almost half my age. For once I can say that I have met a woman whom i perfectly understand. I feel very strongly for her. I know my limitations but have been extremely attracted to her just because we both understand and comprehend each other so well. I am confused as to whether i should take the relationship to the next level or not.Though my heart says yes but practicality says to desist.Please clear my doubts. I have always been very faithful to my wife but we have never been able to really understand each other as wife/husband. I consider her as a good friend in-fact a very good one but life as husband and wife is more than that. I find complete understanding in this woman in this regard.

Love Guru answers, It sounds like you're going through a mid-life crisis. Also, it seems to me that your marriage was perfectly happy till this girl came along. Maybe the spark between your wife and you has floundered because you both are not paying enough attention to romance. Now that you see an opportunity outside, you want to go after it. Would you consider leaving your wife if there was nobody else you were attracted to? You just want to take advantage of this situation -- don't. It's foolish to consider a relationship with a girl half your age. Work on your marriage instead.

smita asked, hi love guru! I recently saw my husband watching porn site? Is it normal?

Love Guru answers, Yes, it is -- many married men do. It's a harmless enough pastime in moderation. There's no need for you to be upset.

Rita asked, Hi! I got married in 2002, now am a mother of a kid aged 4. My husband doesnot sleep with me?

Love Guru answers, Ask him why. Honest conversations are the best medicine for a failing relationship.

meenu asked, hi sir,27,my bf is 34 old.after 3 years relationship my bf says i don,t have that attraction that i have before ,he don,t feel like marrying me.he says we contnue relationship but can,t marry me.he says me this because due to constantly gaining and loosing weight,my titts become he don,t like me anymore.i know feel cheated that he only love me for my body.can i leave him,i find it difficult,as i totattly attached to him

Love Guru answers, Yes you can leave him and you should. He's preoccupied with how you look, not with the person you are. You deserve better. Kick this jerk to the curb.

japji asked, i love dis girl who is also a good friend of mine.but just wen i thought of proposing to her i realized dat she is pretty close 2 another guy.wat shud i do?

Love Guru answers, Define 'pretty close'. Is he a good friend or a boyfriend? In any case, if she's a good friend to you too you may as well tell her how you feel. Promise her to remain friends and not bring this up again if she refuses. But don't sit and debate talking to her, because if this 'pretty close' guy also likes her and is planning on proposing too, he'll beat you to it!

Chela asked, I am married and staying with my wifeís family in which there are 2 sisterís of my wife no one else is there in the family and I do not have my parents as well as my home. Problem is that HER sisters are demanding sex with me with the consent of my wife but now after app 3 years I am totally fed up becz one or the other demands sex let me know what I should do?

Love Guru answers, What's wrong with your wife? She doesn't mind sharing you with her sisters like this? And even if she didn't mind, you should have said no in the first place! Marriage is a committment to one person, not three! So here's what you should do -- say no firmly and stop having sex with the sisters.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh & Dominic Xavier

(Advice from the Love Guru does not necessarily reflect the opinions of and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.)
Also read: 'My wife wants to leave me. Help!'


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